waiting on kindergarten.

So..Has anyone else been looking through the Facebook posts to see if people spelled Kindergarten with a “d” or a “t”? Come on.. I didn’t find any and then I thought, I must have smart friends. LOL.

Okay, well I was thinking that and also…What would Walker look like on his first day of school? I’m going to be honest that I glossed over the fb pictures of the boys his age. It’s still hard to see other little boys his age.

Walker and Andy’s coolguy secret handshake. 

He would be starting kindergarten(check it, I got it right )if he never got sick and I am so appreciative of the people who sent a sweet little text to let me know that they remember  what our “normal” lives would have been up to..if things didn’t change.. and that today might be a little difficult.

Little milestones like this have their power of tossing me back into the what ifs and how did this all happen?…I take the moment and feel it and then pull back into the present. Thankfully God has given me some things to do to take my mind off of the enormity of losing Walker’s life on earth.

Planning photography sessions and getting back into that world has been consuming. My cousins are staying with us for a few weeks while they move to Atlanta, close on their old home and have a baby! Weston is getting ready to start 4-year-old preschool in 2 weeks and Andy has started doing some baseball stuff on the side..

It’s been an incredibly hot summer to where I don’t remember what it is like to not sweat at all points in the day. I’ve questioned if it might ever end. Did the rapture happen? Have I been left behind and the earth is slowly turning into a volcano before the New earth arrives???

I’ve found myself missing the coolness of the hospitals and sweatpants in the summer. As strange as it sounds, the nurses and environment they create in the PICU ,make you feel like family. And I’ve missed them! Of course… in real life, I never want to go there again for what it means …but maybe God will give us a cooler Fall and for the love of leggings and North Face bring an early winter… And snow. I need some snow. I’ve got a snowman kit that hasn’t been cracked in two years. It’s just inhumane to not give him a life.

But back in the armpit of the South.. Columbia. I’ve been wanting to tell the story of how Walker got AutoImmune Encephalitis from my current perspective and without all of the craziness of living in that time.. Because the reality of what happened and if it can be prevented for other children is ALWAYS on my mind. Having a normally progressing life and then having an abstract illness take your child’s life leaves a whirlwind of questions..

A lot of you have asked, What exactly happened? And I told the story on our caring bridge page while we were experiencing it here…But through the journey looking for answers on how to help him gain his life back and how this could have happened..I have learned so much about food, Cannabis Oil, Effects of Medicine, Vaccines, Genetic variances and funerals, than I thought relevant.

I’ve learned that the Eastern and Western world of medicine are extremely different and there is a serious gap of overlap. I’ve learned to trust my instincts over what others think is best and when to trust God over myself. I want to explain it all.. So humor me over the next few weeks as I put information out there in the Interweb-oblivion. Not sure that’s a word.. but hopefully you feel me, on what I’ve learned and summarize some questions I have received from many of you.

Next up will be ..How it all started… Until then.. Thank you for sharing your pictures and life with those that are longing for what we had but also so grateful for what we have left and for what is to come..