What really happened, in my opinion.

What I think really happened to my Walker, after processing and forming an opinion for the past two years.

I have been dreading writing this part of our story. I have felt the need to summarize it from our old normal to not so much normal. I have written and erased and yet it just seems an unsurmountable topic, even now. I feel it would be cathartic and torture but I will try. Here is what I think really happened to my Walker.

Walker was healthy, normal by our standards and so happy. I feel like he was far beyond his years in the memories that we were able to create with him at such a young age. We did everything that society told us was normal and a lot of stuff that was “extra” just to make sure he was healthy.

He was a normal birth with an epidural. He got shots, like he was supposed to. I nursed for 13 months, like I was supposed to. I only made homemade baby food, like I was supposed to. We cloth diapered. We did Little Gym classes. I kept him with me until he was 6 months old before leaving him in the nursery at church. I read every book on how to parent, sleep and feed your baby to raise them “right”. I took him on playdates. We read and read and read. We laughed. He grew. We dreamed.

Everything was normal. Everything was moving forward to continue to create the little man that I had dreamed about.

One day Walker was running up the stairs and tripped at the top of the landing and fell into a bench. He busted his head open and had to have 14 stitches. He was fine. I almost ran outside naked freaking out while holding him when trying to figure out what to do.. But all was eventually fine.

One year later, Walker fell off the bar stool in the kitchen and landed straight on  his head. It welled up to be a huge goose egg. It was in the same spot that he had busted his head the year before. But he was fine. Nothing strange. Nothing weird. I was fully dressed for this incident.

3 months later, Walker had his first seizure. He was sitting at the table, creating lego airplanes, when he starred off into space. He wouldn’t respond to his name and a string of drool fell from his mouth. His lips turned purple and I knew something was desperately wrong. We went to the ER and he returned to normal. They dismissed it as a febrile seizure and nothing else.  Walker had a fever several nights in a row leading up to this day but once again, nothing strikingly abnormal.

We came home and he fell asleep that night in my arms on the couch. I layed him in bed and checked on him every hour, alternating between Tylenol and Ibuprofen to prevent another spike in fever to possibly cause a febrile seizure. I was laying in bed that night at 1 am and heard him moaning from the hallway. He was passed out and having another seizure. Things would never be the same. I don’t know if he had one and wasn’t breathing before this but he had tried to come for help and not been able to make it.

We left for the hospital that night , not to return for 3 months. You know the story if you followed along. He was in a coma and not able to be brought out without a constant state of seizing. Our entire life felt like it had come crashing down. Our 3 1/2 year old was sick and we didn’t know why.. We went from Columbia to Memphis to Atlanta looking for help and answers. At one point, it appeared that everything was moving in the right direction. Memphis was able to pull him from the coma and had started rehab. They had a very grim prognosis but one that we weren’t willing to accept. We went to Atlanta for rehab for 6 weeks. Then he started having seizures again and we started to understand that things weren’t going to be the same.

We had faith that God could fix this and prayed specifically for restoration. We had many highs and lows over he next 20 months. When it appeared that we needed to go to Duke for treatments, it was our last effort on restoring his life. It only made him sicker. We spent the rest of that summer in and out of the hospital only to come home in November  on Hospice. All our efforts had failed. Walker was not going to be healed here on earth. In April, he became unable to keep his food down and was in a constant state of seizing.

We had tried everything from Cannabis to Chemo. How could nothing of worked? I had processed the  cause the entire time from every angle of how this could of happened.. When I finally gave into genetic testing, it allowed me to see that while genetics don’t always explain why someone gets sick and another doesn’t. It did show us that Walker had several mutations that basically allowed him to hang on to heavy metals and toxins that others might get rid of easier. Could 3 years of vaccines, chemicals and toxins from the environment have been building in his system? Could his falls have caused his spinal cord and nerves to be compromised? Overworked? Somehow creating this perfect storm of misfiring of his brain? A fire in the brain?

That is the only thing that has made any sense. He had a genetic predisposition to not rid of these environmental toxins and due to this injury, it pushed his body in overdrive and it just couldn’t handle it. Did I mention that ALL of his seizures always started in the same spot of both of these injuries?

Here’s what I take from this. I feel like my initiatives to “rid” of toxins early in his life through my organic craze, formaldehyde avoidance,  breast feeding obsessing.. It prolonged his ability to fight off the vaccines or other foreign toxins that his body couldn’t naturally rid of. This is not hocus-pocus. This is a very real thing. He had two mutations of his MTHFR gene and there is research up the wazoo on what to do if you have these . I actually have the same mutations.

After all my research, I have found that genetic testing can save lives. It doesn’t guarantee that just because you have a mutation that something like this will happen. BUT , it could help in educating yourself on vaccinations and other important choices.
These two mutations only affect about 10% of the population but had I known this information about Walker . I would have never vaccinated him without detoxing him afterwards. I know this is a personal subject, but it is the only thing that I discovered could take my normal, healthy, happy child. This happens all the time with other vaccines.

Encephalitis is what Walker was diagnosed with and that is the main side effect of all vaccines. I’m not saying don’t get them. Just know if you’re child has the ability to rid of the toxins afterwards. Maybe if Walker hadn’t fallen, he’d be okay. Maybe if he hadn’t busted his head he’d be here. Maybe . Maybe. Maybe. It has kept me awake for  most of the nights for the past two years. Maybe this information can save someone from the pain of losing a child. If you don’t believe me, watch Vaxed, watch other documentaries from parents who have lost their children, research it.

I get it, so many people make fun of the idea that chemicals harm us. They think it is cool to mock those of us that believe plastics are bad, foods can make you sick and acknowledging the danger of vaccines among many other things. They say, I’ve done it this long and I’m fine.

BUT can I tell you that this not a joke. That cancer is coming from somewhere and that what we put in our body matters. I lost my child from something making his brain go crazy. Chemicals do that. They don’t deny that.  God created us perfectly. God created us to be well. Something around us is making us not well. Somewhere in this mess, my child couldn’t fight it off anymore.

You may not agree with my process of what happened, but maybe this can help someone to take a step in a different direction to help know what they are working with.

I praise God for Walker’s life and for the journey that we were on because we got to cut the crap on our relationship with the Lord through it.

I pray that those who have been by our side or read this blog…I pray that they change their lives right now to honor you because after this short blip of a life, comes you.  As strange as it sounds, his illness took his life but it gave me mine. This made me see my faith as something more than something you aspire for when you become older. It is the only thing that matters.

God is all that we have, people will come into life and out of it and what do we have if not faith in Jesus to carry us through.. Friends, it’s real and the boats leaving with or without you, lean on Him. He will carry you through, just as he has us.